Cthulhu

Lincoln is now seven years old, and he does not like to be called President Baby anymore, which honestly breaks my heart. Anyways, he was showing his aunt and uncle one of my video reviews, I believe it was Night Swim, and when it was over, he walked to the table where I was eating breakfast, and he said to me in a very disapproving tone, "I saw what you wrote at the end of your video." He was not happy I had him in the credits as "President Baby." Personally, I think that's an awesome nickname, and I hope someday he appreciates it! With that said, here's...

Cthulhu (2007)

You know what's weird about Lovecraftian movies? Well, outside of the obvious? Two movies specifically reference two creatures in the title, but they're based on the story "Shadow Over Innsmouth." There's Dagon and today's movie Cthulhu. If I may reference Dr. Heinz Doofenschmirtz, "If I had a nickel for every time that happened, I'd have two nickels. It's not a lot, but it's weird that it's happened twice."

Speaking of weird, sometimes I wonder why, out of all of Lovecraft's mythology, Cthulhu stands the test of time. There are so many to choose from, Azathoth, Yog Sothoth and Nyarlathotep, but everyone comes back to Cthulhu. Big C only physically shows up in one story, is nowhere near the most powerful (he's actually a high priest), and in the story, he wakes, eats some sailors, and then gets a boat rammed into him, regenerates and then goes back to sleep because the stars aren't right. I'm surprised Nyalarthotep doesn't get more recognition, because he's the only one who's truly evil, the only one with a personality and Stephen King even confirmed that Randall Flagg is Nyalarthotep. While Cthulhu is cool, I think the reason he's stuck around so long is that he's the only one that Lovecraft goes into detail about what it actually looks like. Or, in the case of this movie, they figure if they slap his name on the title, more people will come to see it, even if he no-shows the film.

A young history professor is heading back home to the Pacific Northwest because his mother died, and he's there to help sell the house and settle affairs. His estranged father is the leader of a weird cult and is clearly disappointed that his gay son has not produced any children. From there, our hero, Russ, stumbles into the mystery of the town, his family's part in it and the deep secrets hidden within.

I get that Lovecraft can be hard to translate to the big screen. His choice of words was deliberately out there and could be very hard to follow. Most of the horror in his stories is the horror of the unknown, and a lot of adaptations just throw some tentacles on screen and call it a day. I understand why this particular story gets made so much; "Shadow over Innsmouth" is the story with the most action and gets pretty tense. The scene where he's watching the doorknob in his hotel room is so good! I think that's why "Shadow" is probably my favorite of his stories. Plus, in the story, the main character is from Toledo. 

It wouldn't be Halloween season without one mention of Toledo in a Mr. Pat review!

A lot is going on in this movie, and it's able to keep your attention pretty well, but it gets a little too out there. I was fine with it for the most part, but there's a scene where Tori Spelling's character and her husband literally drug Russ, and then she rapes him so she can have a baby. It's supremely uncomfortable in the worst way, and I'd be OK with rape no longer being used to advance a plot.

I like some of the things the movie did, but the threads holding it together in between those parts aren't strong enough to keep the attention. It's a novel attempt, but I can't help but feel ripped off with the title. They promised me one of the Great Old Ones, but instead I got a bunch of weird scenes, spotty acting and a feeling of disappointment. Still, I can't hate on it too much because I didn't actively dislike it, and I'd love to see more of Lovecraft's work translated to the big screen.

5 Dr. Chainsaws!