The People Under the Stairs

I went on a run the other day for the first time in many months. I had made it more than halfway, but I had to stop and walk a bit because, as I mentioned, it's been awhile. Anyway, while I was walking, I looked very disheveled and exhausted. I passed a man walking his dogs, decked out in Ohio State gear. He smiled at me and said something like, “Good work,” and encouraged me not to give up. It was awesome to hear, and it got my ass running again. I know this is a horror page, but I just wanted to say: a small act of kindness to a stranger can go a long way! So yeah, let's talk about...

The People Under the Stairs (1991)

I'm going to be honest with you, I had never seen this movie before, but I was aware of it at a young age. I think the first time I ever encountered it, it was playing while I was waiting in line for a haunted house. I don't remember the scene, but the little I saw affected me. Along with the title and the poster, it made me hesitant to watch it. The idea of the movie scared me as a kid, and I could never bring myself to sit through it.

I did catch another scene a year or so later and thought it was hilarious... when Fool pops out of the vent and punches the dude in the dick. I remember laughing hysterically about that when I was much younger, but it didn't do much to get me to watch the rest. Finally, this year, I decided to give it a watch, and my initial thoughts... I don't know why I avoided this movie for so long. It's an absolute blast.

A young kid lives in a rundown apartment with his family. His mom is very sick, and they find out they're being evicted by greedy landlords who are forcing everyone out so they can gentrify the neighborhood. Eventually, Fool gets convinced by Leroy, a young Ving Rhames, that the landlords have gold, and he should join him for a burglary.

Unfortunately for Fool, Leroy, and Spenser, the people they’re trying to steal from are inbred, crazy, and extremely violent. Not to mention, there’s a bunch of people locked up in the basement, all of them chalky white due to not seeing the sun in years.

The People Under the Stairs was written and directed by horror legend Wes Craven. It's wild to me that the guy responsible for A Nightmare on Elm Street, The Hills Have Eyes, and Last House on the Left is also the guy behind Shocker and this movie.

I went in expecting to relive some of my childhood apprehension and was surprised to find that this is a horror-comedy, with a heavier lean toward the absurd, because this movie is funny.

The baddies, the Robesons, who only refer to each other as "Mommy" and "Daddy", are so over-the-top, they're practically floating around in space. They spend the entire movie ranting and raving and yelling about and at everything. There’s hardly any scenery left to chew once the credits roll. It’s wild watching them run around trying to catch Fool and Roach, one of the prisoners who escaped his cell and torments Daddy by crawling through the walls of the house where they can’t follow him.

Daddy’s method of dealing with him? Shooting wildly, with several, and I mean several, different guns that never run out of bullets. It’s amazing that no one ever hears the almost constant gunfire coming from that house.

The two have been kidnapping kids for years to create their perfect family. They're super religious and extremely strict with their new "children." They operate under the rule: “See no evil, hear no evil, say no evil.” Those who break the rule get chained up in the basement with the others.

There’s only one person who’s managed to stay with them for an extended period of time without being exiled to the basement, and that’s Ruby. She’s under constant abuse, but Mommy seems to care for her in her own twisted way. Daddy is shown to take a different kind of liking to her, but it seems Mommy doesn’t allow it.

I enjoyed all the characters, they're all fun in their own way. Even Rhames’ Leroy is entertaining, because he’s such a dick and will immediately put Fool, a preteen, in harm’s way to save himself. Fool is great because he’s smart, brave, and takes immediate action. Ruby was a good character and had a nice arc. Even the people in the basement were good, and there’s a pretty awesome visual at the end where they’re literally crawling out of the woodwork.

But the real highlights are the Robesons. There's not a second they’re on camera when they’re not being entertaining in some way. They go from comically evil to comically nuts about eight different times every scene.

Outside of the characters, it’s just a fun movie. During one of the chase scenes, I realized I was supremely enjoying this. It’s so damn entertaining that I could watch them play cat-and-mouse for hours and wouldn’t get bored. The things the baddies say and do are so much fun because they’re not real people, they're live-action cartoon characters.

The best way to describe this movie is to say it's like a high-stakes Tom and Jerry episode, complete with all manner of shenanigans and bodily trauma that no one would walk away from, but is shaken off moments later. To give you an example of how ridiculous this movie is: Leroy is being attacked by their big rottweiler, Prince. Fool debates leaving him there but eventually decides to help out. How does he get the dog off Leroy? He yells at Prince: "Your mother sleeps with cats!"

And it works! The dog stops biting and looks up at Fool as if to say, “What did you just say?” before lunging at him. The dog, too, is pretty much a cartoon character. The stuff he goes through... it’s insane.

I do have a bit of a spoiler. and it’s usually a deal-breaker, but the dog does get killed. Normally I’d say, “Fuck this movie,” but in its last moments, it’s so obviously a puppet that Fool is wrestling with, and not even a convincing puppet. Still, the last time you see him is pretty sad. It helps that the movie doesn’t want Mommy and Daddy to know they killed Prince, so the dog doesn’t yelp. That helps immensely, because there are few things sadder than a dog yelping.

It’s a fun movie that’s all kinds of entertaining, and I’m a little disappointed in myself for waiting so long to see it.

9 Dr. Chainsaws!