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  • Writer's pictureMr. Pat

The Horde

Well, the original plan was to get around to watching Hellraiser but Family Video had other plans, and then... Let's say things got a little out of hand, so I had to dip into the Netflix well once again. This movie has been on my queue for as long as I can remember but I've always been hesitant because it was a foreign film, and if I want to turn my brain off, I don't wanna read what's going on, especially if they're speaking French. But Netflix assured me I'd like it, so tonight's movie is...

The Horde (2009)

The more I think about it, the more I don't like it. But let me get into things the movie did right. I am always intrigued by Assault on Precinct 13 situations where enemies are forced to fight together in order to survive, that's good stuff there. I liked the head gangster, he was cool, the level headed cop, although I was a little curious as to why they had the cop say he was an atheist, but wear a crucifix necklace. Also, when the level headed cop is standing on top of a car and about 50 zombies have their hands up trying to grab him is a VERY cool looking scene.

Things I didn't like, let's start with a nit pick then move our way up. When they first encounter the zombies (this takes place in an alternate reality where Night of the Living Dead was never made), they run out a door and try to barricade it against the hungry zombies. They finally shut the door but the zombies are still trying to break in. They then jam a rod against the door and the zombies give up, no more banging, they just leave. "Oh shit, Steve, they put a rod against the door... Welp, I wonder what's going on over here." And as long as I'm nit picking it seems like every character wears a bandana that says "Unlimited" on it. Let's see who gets THAT reference.

I didn't like the old guy either. When he first shows up it plays almost exactly as a cutscene in Dead Rising where they introduce a psycho path. But he ends up tagging along and keeps talking about Vietnam (Indochina and such), and my biggest problem with him is his laugh. He laughs too much, and they're always at his unfunny jokes. Maybe something got lost in the translation, but geez... Or maybe I'm just cranky because I'm sleepy and the whole Hellraiser thing...

Side note, crew call just got pushed back so I can sleep later than I thought I could, I am no longer cranky. :)

I prefer slow zombies and I can't think of a single fast zombie movie I've liked outside of the Dawn of the Dead remake which was outstanding. While we're on the subject, these zombies are stronger in death than they were while alive. I can suspend disbelief quite a bit, I mean I'm watching a movie about the dead coming back to life, but how in the hell are you all of a sudden an olympic sprinter and body builder when you die?

My biggest gripe with the movie is the heroine in the movie. She develops this, "I'm a cold super hard ass" attitude where she says she only cares about her unborn baby as fast as it took you to read that sentence... If you really only care about your baby, why are you going on a revenge mission where there's a good chance you'll be murdered while pregnant? One of two of the likeable characters sacrifices himself so they can get away and she goes into hard ass, "I don't care!" mode. That and always had a really smug look on her face annoyed me.

Movie had potential; it had a very good character, a pretty awesome one, several bad and one terrible character.

So yeah, 4 Dr. Chainsaws.

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