Brightburn

One of life's simple pleasures is going to LSU's message board from time to time, just to keep tabs on how Louisiana State University feels about Brian Kelly. When they first paid a bill of goods to hire him away from Notre Dame, it was the best moment for me as a Notre Dame fan in a long time. When ND fans warned them not to get too excited, they laughed, accusing us of acting like a jilted ex. Throughout his time at Baton Rouge, he has had some strong defenders. Before this season, one poster said, "It was stupid obvious by now" that LSU made the right decision, and this was their year. After perusing their message boards now, that type of talk is much quieter and gets a lot angrier. Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy. Once he gets the boot in the ass on the way out the door, LSU will move into third for my favorite football teams for hiring that prick away. Until then, I'd cheer for OSU and Michigan to put up 100 on his ass. Speaking of monsters... today we're discussing...

Brightburn (2019)

I've been meaning to watch this movie for some time now, but every time I'd look for it, it would leave my streaming sites. My brother, Mike, has been demanding that I watch this movie for years. With that in mind, I was tickled upon seeing that this movie landed on Peacock, but then I had second thoughts. You see, my family and I have been sharing some passwords, and with HBO MAX eliminating password-sharing, he's not contributing anymore, but he IS reaping the benefits. Right now, he is what Ayn Rand would call a "Parasite."

The movie can be summed up in one sentence: "What if Superman were evil?" As an aside, the most unrealistic thing about the Superman comics is that in some origin stories, he has his powers as a toddler. There is absolutely no way a toddler would be able to control ultimate power like that. Every time he gets mad or excited, there would be a pile of bodies in his wake. President Baby is the sweetest boy in the world, but toddlers are not rational! And even when playing don't understand that hitting people in the face is wrong. Ma and Pa Kent would have had their faces caved in the second he became mobile.

Anyway, the story isn't that original, but it's an interesting one nonetheless. I've wanted to read "Superman: Red Son" for the longest time, but never got around to it. It explores what would have happened if Superman had landed in Soviet Russia instead of Kansas. Then there's the "Injustice" series, which I really enjoyed, where Supes turns full-on dictator.

In this case, the child, Brandon, does land in Kansas, and he's found by Tori and Kyle Breyer, a loving couple who desperately want kids but can't get pregnant. Tori thinks he's a gift from somewhere, so they take him in.

The movie then fast forwards, and we get home videos of the boy growing up from a baby to a preteen. I couldn't help it, but I got an overwhelming sense of sadness while watching this little montage. Having children definitely changed the way I consume movies. It made me so sad because it's obvious that these parents love Brandon as if he were their own, and they did everything they could to give him a happy life. It was rough because the videos were so sweet, and in the back of my mind, I knew that this sweet baby was going to be evil and then murder both of them.

Everything is going well with the family until Brandon's 12th birthday. The parents decided to keep the spaceship, and it starts glowing a deep red and calls out to Brandon late at night. He sleepwalks, and while in that state, Tori finds him trying to rip open the chained-up door hiding his spaceship. At first, he's terrified of it but begins to come around to it once he realizes he has powers that pretty much make him a god among mortals. Slowly, he starts to throw his weight around and begins to listen to his ship when it tells him to "Take the world."

That's the plot in a nutshell, and you can piece together what happens from there. You get brutal scenes of violence, with great effects, sound design and great makeup. There are a couple of things I want to highlight that are definitely not for the faint of heart. One of the characters runs afoul of some exploding glass, and a shard lands, sticking out of her pupil. That's bad enough, but we get so many close-ups of the piece of glass sticking out of her eye as she struggles to get it out. When she finally manages, I don't know what's worse: the way blood pops out like a geyser or the sound when it comes free. It's so difficult to watch.

There's also another death that's just crazy. There's a car crash, and we're looking at the driver, and it seems pretty normal, nothing you haven't seen before, that is, until his jaw falls off! Without anything else he can do, he just holds his jaw in place until he agonizingly drowns in his own blood. It's supremely difficult to watch, but it happens so suddenly and unexpectedly that it hits you like a left hook from Joe Frazier.

It's a solid story that moves at a fairly brisk pace. If I had to pick, my favorite aspect of the movie was the parents' dilemma. They both love Brandon, but they're terrified of what he's become. Tori, though, takes a lot of convincing. She can't believe that this child, her child, whom they raised since he was a baby, could suddenly get superpowers and destroy the world. Brandon has super strength, super speed and laser eyes that would make the Mooninites jealous. How do you handle that? First, how do you come to terms that someone you raised is capable of untold destruction, and how do you do something about it? Not only do you have to come to terms with ending your child, but then comes the question that Verbal Kint asks, "How do you shoot the devil in the back? What if you miss?"

The dad realizes early that something is off with Brandon, while Mom doesn't want to believe it. She lies to herself time and time again until she just can't do it anymore. As a parent, I get it. This isn't her being stupid; this is her wanting something to not be true despite all the evidence pointing to the impossible. Elizabeth Banks isn't my favorite actress in the world, but she nails this role. She's very believable and sympathetic, and you want her to win despite the odds being so incredibly one-sided.

As far as the horror goes, it's creepy, but it's Brandon's mask that's doing the heavy lifting. Without that mask, the movie wouldn't hit because Brandon's angry faces aren't the greatest, and most times when he looks angry, he gets a sour look on his face. However, the last 15 minutes or so are really effective horror. At this point, the jig is up, Brandon has completed his heel turn, and has all but lost his last link to his humanity. Tori is trapped in their farmhouse while Brandon is showing off. He is just flying through the house, literally, he's creating giant holes just flying from one point and out the other near his mom. Then, when she gets out of the house, you see another blast of debris with Brandon emerging from the wreckage, and he flies up in the sky, hovers there, and watches her desperate run to the barn. It's so chilling because, while you understand the power imbalance here, no scene illustrates better just how out of her league she is and truly illustrates just how horrible for everyone an evil Superman would be.

Alas, while I absolutely knew what was coming the entire movie, I still didn't like the ending. It's hard to explain without getting into spoiler territory, but it made me feel empty. I understand that's what James Gunn and company were going for, but I don't know, it just didn't do it for me. I also understand it was the only way it could have ended, realistically, but it was still difficult to watch. On the other hand, that's also a testament to how good a job both Banks and Jackson Dunn (Brandon) did to make you feel that way. From her pleading and heartbreak to Brandon's cold unattachment, it's well done all around, even if it wasn't my cup of tea.

8 Dr. Chainsaws!