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  • Writer's pictureMr. Pat

Vampires vs. the Bronx

Updated: Jul 19, 2021

The 296th review!

Watching a Brian Kelly-led team is bad for my blood pressure. Dude loves throwing the ball even if the weather is asking him, “You sure you want to do this today? I’m pretty rough out there...” Gotta love slinging it in the middle of a wind tunnel! Anyways, I have a movie to review. Once we put President Baby down for a nap, Dear and I got a chance to sit down and check out...

Vampires vs. the Bronx (2020). Netflix

I’ve seen this pop up on the streaming site a lot as of late. I watched the trailer a few times but always went with something different. So when Becca suggested it, I figured it was time!

We open with a Bronx neighborhood that’s in the early stages of gentrification. Local businesses are getting bought out left and right for the real estate company, “Murnau Enterprises.” It just so happens to have its logo a picture of Vlad “The Impaler,” the dude who was the inspiration for Count Dracula. As a group of young kids fight to keep open a local bodega, they unwittingly discover the ones buying up the neighborhood are a bunch of vampires. The baddies chose this place because they point out when people go missing here, no one cares.

The baddies chose this place because they point out when people go missing here, no one cares

It has some pretty heavy themes, how gentrification ruins neighborhoods, class imbalance and how that can lead kids into gangs and other sordid activities. Before you really get to see the vampires in action you see the ills of (channeling Mr. Joaquin Phoenix) SOCIETY(!) creating monsters of its own.

You may not expect it based on what I’ve written so far, but this movie is a lot of fun. The leads are really good and their friendship feels genuine. I have a soft spot for movies where its kids taking the lead to fight evil. Monster Squad was fantastic and The Lost Boys is a classic. Speaking of The Lost Boys, this movie is like that for a new generation. Kids battling vampires using comics (in this case a graphic novel) for answers, there’s even a scene where they steal Holy Water from a church.

I love the main and even the side characters in this movie. You don’t get to see much from many of them, but each have their thing that makes them unique. The social media influencer isa highlight because she somehow manages to just be in the way oblivious to her surroundings because she’s live streaming. Also, the final battle, while as silly as it is, it made me smile. No matter how improbable for it to go down this way, I loved the how the pride in their neighborhood showed through. It’s hard to explain that bit, you’d have to see it to understand what I’m talking about.

While it’s not as good as Lost Boys and the script isn’t as sharp as Monster Squad it’s a very entertaining movie. I mentioned earlier that I really like the three young kids. Even when they’re not doing the whole vampire thing, when they’re just being kids and hanging out is entertaining; partly because to learn how to fight vampires they decide to watch the movie Blade, which I can’t really argue against. That movie rules. I also like how for the most part they use the more classic vampire lore; them sleeping in a coffin, garlic, Holy Water, crosses hurt them and they don’t have a reflection. And unlike Dracula from the novel, sunlight hurts them.

It’s also really funny too. I had several laugh out loud moments and it’s not a bad movie to watch with a younger group because it’s not that intense, and for a vampire movie, there’s little blood. Still, it’s a fun and funny movie with good acting and fun relationships. Definitely worth a watch!

8.5 Dr. Chainsaws!

Becca doesn’t want to give a Dr. Chainsaws ratings, but she liked the movie as well!


Vampires vs. the Bronx



1h 26m

Three gutsy kids from a rapidly gentrifying Bronx neighborhood stumble upon a sinister plot to suck all the life from their beloved community. Starring: Jaden Michael, Gerald W. Jones III, Gregory Diaz IV

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