Return to Silent Hill

Mr. Pat

6 minutes ago

5 min read

We went to our first fall festival of the year, and it was a lot of fun. Most of the time was spent watching Lincoln jump on the parachute/trampoline thing they had, but he was enjoying himself. The big highlight, though, was that the donuts were delicious. There was also a silo where the ground was covered with corn kernels, and you wouldn't believe how comfortable it was to sit in it. We ended up in there for a while because none of us really wanted to get up. I have no segue, so let's get into...

Return to Silent Hill (2026)

I've never been more disappointed in a movie.

You have to understand, the Silent Hill video game series is my favorite of all time. The first one scared me more than any other I've ever played, and the second one is my favorite game of all time. Before we get into the meat and potatoes of the review, a little history. The first movie came out in 2006. I can tell you the exact moment I learned about the movie. I was sitting in UToledo's Carlson Library before class and doing a Google search on the game. When I saw IMDB pop up with 2006 as the date, I did a double take. Then, when I saw it starred Sean Bean, I nearly fell out of my chair.

The first movie had its problems, but it did so much right. If not for some changes to characters and their motivations, and some weird dialogue, it could have been great instead of good to very good. The second one had a new director and was a 3D mess. It starred Jon Snow in his first role, and it's just... it's not a good movie, and he was bad in it. To its credit, it did have two things I liked, though; I enjoyed the mannequin monster, and I appreciated how they gave Pyramid Head the role that Valtiel plays in number three as opposed to being Alessa's brute like the original movie. I prefer his original role in the second game, but if you're going to shoehorn him, at least he has a purpose.

Anyway, Return to Silent Hill had Christophe Gans back in the director's chair, and they were adapting the storyline for game number two. Normally, I'd freak out about that information, but as more news leaked out, I became less enthused, and then when the reviews came out, I had abandoned all hope. So much so that I completely forgot that it was even made! Even as I played and loved the Silent Hill 2 remake, this movie was as far from my mind as possible.

Look, I understand you can't make a shot-for-shot remake with the same story beats because there would be no point. If people wanted that, they could just play the game, but if you're going to make changes, at least let them mean something. One glaring example is the character Eddie. He plays a pretty major role in the game, and his presence makes you feel a little uneasy about the main character. In this one, he literally shows up in one scene, and you could remove him entirely, and nothing would change. We see him, he throws up, he scares Laura, he punches James and runs away. That's it. We never see him again. It's glaringly obvious why he was thrown in there, so nerds like me can get nostalgic, but it's an absolutely wasted moment and character.

The plot is the same as the game: James gets a letter from his wife, who has died, telling him she's waiting for him in Silent Hill. The movie follows similar beats, and James more or less visits the same places he did in the game, which is cool, but the changes are annoying, and it has to do with every filmmaker's obsession with that damn cult. One of the changes made was that Mary is a Silent Hill native who always has an off-putting group of people following her around. Of course, we learn they're part of a weird cult, of which her dad was the leader, and sexually abused her. Alright then...

I also didn't like what they did to some of the other supporting characters they crammed in. This gets into spoiler territory, so I'm treading lightly, but they butchered the looks of Angela and Laua, and took out what made them unique so Mary could have more to do, making everything about it worse. Don't get me started on Maria's goofy wig either. In the game, these characters were all unique, and while looking normal, there was something off about all of them that you couldn't put your finger on. In this one, the first time you see them, they look like European refugees escaping the blitzkrieg.

And then there's Pyramid Head... the less said about this adaptation, the better. I understand why they would do that, but ripping off an ending from Silent Hill: Homecoming is not my favorite direction for the character. I could go on for a long time about this, but I'm guessing those reading don't share my affection for the "Red Pyramid Thing," and have not spent the hours reading about him and the lore around the town.

I have to give it some credit; it's not all bad. The sets look gorgeous. Say what you want about Gans, but visually, he really nails the look of the town. Some of the shots look like they're straight out of the game. I wish he'd ditch the ash falling and go with snow instead, but that's a nitpick, and a battle I absolutely will not win. In any case, as beautiful as the sets are, the monsters are severely lacking. This movie had less than half the budget of the 2006 movie, and it shows when you see the monsters. They... do not look good. It's like they got them from the dumpster behind the Party City a year after the stores all shut down.

I didn't care for this movie; the whole thing was just a disappointing experience from start to finish because most of the legwork was already done. Gans is clearly a fan of the series, but I think he's fallen in love with his vision of Silent Hill as opposed to what it actually is. Call me a snob all you want, but to see all these characters that I've loved for decades reduced to... that... is very disheartening. Plus, the ending... What the hell was that? It's mind-boggling that it would go through the entire filmmaking process, and at no point would someone say, "This kinda makes no sense and is incredibly stupid."

One final thing: have you ever noticed in movies that anytime a movie wants to show that someone has been grocery shopping, every time they walk into their home, they're holding a paper grocery bag containing at least one baguette?