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  • Writer's pictureMr. Pat

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark

Updated: Jul 19, 2021

The 36th review overall!

Yikes. This movie was bad. The trailers were really good, good mood, lighting, effects, and what looked to be a promising ghost story. I was wrong, I was very wrong. Today I went to Netflix and came out with...

Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark (2010)

Let me spoil something for you, they’re not ghosts. They’re fairies or pixies that look like a cross between a rat and a monkey. They’re building it up and you’re starting to get into it and then WHAM, stupid looking monsters. They’re more annoying than frightening and you want to see them getting stomped on. Don’t get me wrong, that’s not a backhanded compliment, you want to see them get stomped because they’re evil, you want them stomped because they’re annoying little shits.

The set is cool though, I like Katie Holmes, Guy Pearce is good, and the little girl after getting off to a rocky start (think Dakota Fanning from War of the Worlds), she gets a lot more tolerable, but everything else is shitty.

Here’s the lowdown, these creatures want to eat children’s teeth. Every someone moves into the mansion they appear and they have to kill one of them to “replenish their ranks”, all the while whispering, and even yelling “CHILDREN’S TEETH!” The girl is fighting them off with a Polaroid camera (light hurts them) and she’s starting screaming, “What do you want?!” The camera shows a close up of one of the creatures who responds with, “WE WANT YOU!” Another great line is Katie Holmes falls for the old “wire on the staircase trick” and is knocked to the ground concussed where she whispers, “Sally…” One of the creatures close by responds, “Sally… CHILDREN’S TEETH!!!”

The ending is kinda decent, but everything else is garbage.

2 Dr. Chainsaws!

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